Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Official Rules for becoming a member of Arcade Fire

The Arcade Fire is a very large organization, and it's vital that you follow and use the "Buddy System." Pick a buddy wisely—you will bunk with this buddy, take meals with this buddy, sit next to this buddy on the Arcade Fire shuttle, hold hands with this buddy on scheduled Arcade Fire public outings, and write heartbreaking anthems of ennui and loss with this buddy.

• It's important for the Arcade Fire to look sharp. Two uniform sets will be issued to you: the first consists of one (1) white shirt with reflective black stripes, one (1) pair of tight white trousers, and one (1) pair of calf-high lace-up white boots. The second set includes one (1) black shirt with reflective white stripes, one (1) pair of tight black trousers, and one (1) pair of calf-high lace-up black boots. Each uniform costs $390, which will be added to your debt.

• Daily uniform inspection takes place each day at 6 a.m., 12 p.m., and 6 p.m. Deviation from standard uniform will result in demerits, which add to your debt.

• All valuables, including jewelry, photographs, personal effects, and communication devices, are strictly prohibited. Surrender any and all such items immediately to Diane, Arcade Fire member coordinator.

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